I call everyone I've shared even a short conversation with my friend. If I spend at least two hours every other week with them and I know their name, then I consider them a friend because it's easier to call someone a friend than "oh yeah just someone I know". Every once in a while, I'm allowed out of the house and to the one place my parents allow me, the library, so I don't have many (I guess, just one, actually) "Friend" friends. Nobody has ever flat out said to me that I am their friend, except for very recently.
Someone very close to me called me their friend. To some people that may not seem like a lot, but to me, a girl with social anxiety so bad that she only warms up to people she knows after an hour in the same room with them, this means the world. Crying happy tears at one in the morning, I felt on top of the world. Finally someone thinks of me as a friend and finally someone has said they didn't hate me (even if it wasn't in so many words).
Sadly, though, with social anxiety, there's still that nagging rock of guilt in my gut.
Was s/he even talking about me?
Did s/he mean it? Did s/he mean someone else?
Does s/he actually, really like me?
We don't see each other that often and I even said I had no friends in front of him/her?
Now, I feel like complete shit when I said I had no friends in front of her/him and that was a moment, though very brief, that I would like to completely erase from anyone's memories, but anxiety chews me up from the inside out to the point where I feel depressed and like everyone's doing things without me.
If you're anxious in any way to tell someone, I know exactly how you feel, but if you can, when you feel like you could be friends or even best friends, tell them they're your friend. Tell them. It might make their day, week, month, year if you just tell them. It might make them feel adequate, feel special and great and wonderful and every other happy feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you get a compliment. Having friends is magical, having an unsung agreement that you're friends is magical, but there's something special about someone saying it out loud.
